I Am... Annoying

As an artiste, Beyoncé is infuriating. After popping out hit after hit with her former mega-successful pop-group, Destiny’s Child, at a rate that felt as though she never had more than two weeks off at a time, and producing two quick solo efforts, that have won her a whopping ten Grammy's in the process and brought her just as many No. 1 hits as her previous group did, she decided to concentrate on other things. After landing roles in various films sparingly, she catapulted herself into movie stardom with such music-related pictures as the Oscar-winning Dreamgirls and her latest, the little-seen Cadillac Records. So, really, her break from music wasn’t entirely peaceful. She kept busy. But think about this- for someone who seems to have never been out of the public eye since she emerged in the early 1990's, what do we really know about Beyoncé Knowles? We know she's married to rapper Jay-Z, but she's never publicly spoken about it. We know she's Christian- she's made mention of God on and off her records. "I feel that, especially now with the Internet and paparazzi and camera phones, it's so difficult to maintain mystery," she said earlier this year. "It's almost impossible to have superstars now, because people will never get enough." Admittedly, in our TMZ-addled world, that stance is refreshing... and stubborn as hell. She's a megawatt diva equipped in Christian Laboutin heels and a frozen smile. Without much outside interference, Beyoncé's fan-artist connection relies almost wholly on her music-- the only place to find the "real" Beyoncé is on her albums. With that direct relationship in mind comes I Am... Sasha Fierce, a supposed window into the soul of Beyoncé as well as her hair-flipping sexpot alter ego. The split personality gimmick is now tired, but apparently Miss Knowles never got that memo. The double album is also tired, but apparently she didn't get that memo either. On the first half of the disc, the singer comes off helpless and as emotionally closed as ever. Lead by the pop-smart story of “If I Were a Boy”, the disc’s ballads become stale too soon, making one wonder why she felt it imperative to make an entire disc featuring this side of her, considering this was never a side that she had as much success with exploring (save for "Irreplaceable"). When one thinks of the best Beyoncé songs, "Crazy in Love", "Ring the Alarm" and "Upgrade U" come to mind. With Destiny's Child, it's “Say My Name” or “Survivor” not the watered-down “Cater to U” or or the just-ok “Emotion”. The disc shows what a better idea it would have been to take three of her best slower efforts here and slap them with the rest of the tracks on her second, more bootylicious disc, possibly having herself a great single album. Sparking a mild controversy back in October, the afore-mentioned "... Boy", co-produced by Knowles, features a steady, emotive, controlled vocal performance atop guitar licks and finger-snaps. Sounding almost acoustic, the track is a great start to a seemingly promising record, only improved by the next track, the breath-taking "Halo". Written by front-man for One Republic, Ryan Tedder, the track was originally offered to recent Grammy-nominee Leona Lewis, who didn't have time to record it. Absolutely glorious and perfectly produced, the song sports Beyoncé's best vocal work to date- "Hit me like a ray of sun/burning through my darkest nights/you're the only one that I want/and i'm addicted to your light". If only the rest of the album followed suit. Admittedly, "Disappear" isn't bad, it just isn't great either. "I try to reach for you/Can almost feel you/You're nearly here and then you disappear" Beyoncé coos over more guitar licks, but what is problematic of the track is also problematic of the entire first half of the album- while Beyoncé's vocal work is generally pristine, even expressive here and there, the lyrics are brainless and vapid. Most of the time we don't even know what she is singing about! Case in point- "Smash Into You". Written and produced by C. "Tricky" Stewart and The-Dream, the song starts out all twinkly and delicate, but as soon as she starts singing, one starts scratching their head- "Head down/As I watch my feet take turns hitting the ground/I should, I find myself in love racing the earth". Not only is the song in need of serious grammatical correction, but it is way too over-wrought for its use. The song is as wretched and contrived as anything in Celine Dion's oeuvre. Next up is the equally awful "Satellites" another boring, head-scratching number replete with the lyrics "If we don't communicate/We'll exist in our own space/We have all the love we need/When we're apart I cannot breathe". Yuck!! The disc ends with the laughable, meandering "That's Why You're Beautiful"- "Diamonds used to be coal/Look young cuz they got soul/That's why they're beautiful" Knowles sings atop faux-rock guitar. Disc 2 then comes as welcome respite, and by mere comparison, it is fascinating.
Beginning with the ubiquitous "Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)", Tricky and The-Dream's second product on the album, Sasha Fierce stamps her, uh, fierce and brash style all over the disc. Easily the best song off this side of the album, the song's agitated claps and ticks, purring keyboard hums and squiggles is absolutely delicious! Maybe the song wouldn't be as memorable without the video choreography aped by every drag queen from here to New York, but one thing is certain, the song stands as one of Beyoncé's most effortless works. The drum and bass/crunk/techno/house feel of next track "Radio" is refreshing and even suggests a more expansive, experimental side that we haven't seen from Mrs. Carter- "You're the only one that papa allowed to hang out in my room/With the door closed we'd be alone/And mama never freaked out when she heard it go boom/Cuz she knew we were in the zone" she playfully sings. The song is coy and knowing, and utterly joyful, especially when it break downs into a Rihanna-style bridge- "When I get into my car, turn it uh-up, uh-up/Then I hear vibrations all up in my truh-unk, uh-unk/And the bassline be rattlin' through my see-eat, ee-eats/Then that crazy feeling starts happeni-ing- i-ing oh".
Produced by Bangladesh, the clunky, Lil Wayne-inspired beat of current single "Diva" is hit-or-miss. Admittedly, it adds spunk to the effort, showing an impeccable street side that we were introduced to via "Upgrade U". Oh, and she cusses, ladies and gentlemen. We knew it would come sooner or later. "Na na na diva is a female version of a hustla/of a hustla/of a of a hustla", Beyonce chants before bragging about her 50 million records sold around the world, her ubiquity on radio stations, and her fixed presence in the music industry since the tender age of 15. Hey, if the rappers can do it, why not her? "Sweet Dreams" is nice enough and has some of "Single Ladies'" dark undertone and squiggley synths, while the bass-heavy "Video Phone" has some of "Diva"'s sass. "Hello" and "Scared of Lonely" really don't fit in with the Sasha Fierce image, but they do offer vulnerable, human sides to the alter-ego.
So, let's see- at the end of this record, her self-professed most personal to date, what have we learned? She thinks she's a diva, she likes radios, she has an alter-ego called Sasha Fierce, she reps for the single ladies in the house even though she's married, she probably has a video phone, she doesn't wanna be a broken-hearted girl, and she often wonders what it must be like for a boy. Not very profound, yes, but this is Beyoncé we're referring to, not Tori Amos. She's never professed to be particularly profound and she's really never given us insightful music. One thing we can expect from her, though, is a good time. So as a personal record, I Am... Sasha Fierce fails miserably, as a pop record, it is lop-sided, intermittently exciting, and misguided. Still, what makes Beyoncé larger-than-life, even in her failures is her realization of a nearly universal desire- to project ourselves onto a huge screen, even if that screen is a person (or persona). For Beyoncé, she's called Sasha Fierce. For us, it's always been Beyoncé.